Duhbya: crappy crappy birthday, baby...

I hope when this day rolls around in 2007 you will be celebrating it in Leavenworth. I hope that you will have been frog-marched out of the White House in handcuffs and leg irons after being impeached and removed by a new Democratic majority Senate and House of Representatives. I hope that all the war criminals who infest your administration are treated similarly. As Was Not Was once said in a song, "Happy birthday from JAY-YUL!"

I hope that the emissaries from other G8 countries are making this birthday miserable. The Germans, the French, the Canadians...I hope they are giving you all the crap you deserve for your arrogant, over-inflated, messianic foreign policy. You once said that your foreign policy was going to be "humble." In praxis, your theme song should be "It's Hard To Be Humble When You're As Great As Me". You are a modern-day Caesar, bestriding the world like a colossus. Well, don't forget that your nutsack is pretty exposed when you bestride the world, dear Leader.

You have 1,746 American families who are mourning the loss of one or more sons or daughters or even fathers or mothers because of your lies that sent them to fight and die in Iraq. Some "Mission Accomplished," eh Mr. President? On the occasion of the 1,776th American serviceperson killed in Iraq, will you do the same as you always have and not attend the funeral?

You wink at torture we turn around and condemn less developed countries for. Places like Gitmo and Abu Ghraib are now going to live in infamy in history, right next to the Killing Fields of Cambodia, the Gulag Archipelago, Ile du Diable, the dungeons of the Auto Da Fe, and, yes, the extermination camps of Nazi Germany. No, I will not apologize. It's true. You have guaranteed that the United States of America under your watch will be spoken of in the same breath as Stalin's USSR and Hitler's Germany. The Founders hurl their scorn at you from their graves. How dare you reduce their glorious dream to a mockery? How dare you sully the Flag they bore into battle against Imperial England? Whose side would you have been on back in the 1770s? Hint: I suspect Benedict Arnold would be one of your homeboys.

I hope this birthday is miserable, I hope your next birthday is worse, and I hope you spend your next birthday after that in prison. Fuck you very much, George.